How do you say goodbye to a relationship you’ve known for almost 30 years? You are so much a part of me. You are in almost every photo and memory. How do you muster up the courage and the strength to let go after being together for that long?
Perhaps you shouldn’t have tried to kill me. For that, you can never be forgiven. We have reached a point where there is no going back, no fixing what went wrong. There can be no reconciliation. This relationship has grown toxic and so I must end it.
I appreciate the fact that only one of you truly betrayed me. But you are a pair and quite frankly, I don’t trust you anymore. I think it will be better for me in the long-run to make a clean break and leave you both behind.
Not that our time together was all bad. We’ve certainly had our share of good times. Over the years we’ve enjoyed much attention, compliments, and laughs. We’ve shared many experiences I will treasure forever. The things that have landed on us, that we never saw coming, but somehow managed to survive, have taught us some valuable lessons about life, love, and getting stains out of shirts. We have grown up together in every way possible.
We’ve also made plenty of bad decisions along the way. (Sorry about some of the fashion choices I made you suffer through.) We’ve seen our share of tears and broken hearts, and made it out of some sticky situations. We’ve relied on each other for help on more than one occasion, and for the most part, made a pretty good team.
Together, we’ve been through some amazing changes and redefined our relationship when we experienced the miracle of life with the birth of two beautiful children. While I had my doubts in the beginning, you never failed me or them. You served your purpose well in sustaining those lives and nourishing those little bodies for awhile. Although I didn’t always appreciate it at the time, I have never felt true love the way I did in those precious fleeting moments. Thank you for showing that to me. I should also thank you for your contribution to getting us into that situation in the first place. There too, you have served your purpose well many times over. Function has always been one of your strongest and most admirable characteristics. I will miss that about you.
But none of that seems to matter now. It seems our time together is coming to a cruel and abrupt end. It’s time for me to figure out who I am again and move on without you. Though I may try, I know I’ll never be able to replace you. I will carry the scars from your memory with me for the rest of my life. I am scared. I can’t imagine what it will feel like to go to sleep and wake up without you. I will miss you. I will miss our day-to-day routines. I will miss the way you made me feel when times were happier. I honestly never thought I’d see this day. I thought we would be together until the end. I guess life really is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
I will try to honor your memory and the time we had together by turning the scars you leave me into something beautiful.
The rest of me, the best of me, and the part that breast cancer won’t break.